The Unwanted Title

“I am a widow like you” said the voice of a sweet lady right after hearing my husband went to be the Lord. “Widow, I can’t believe I am a widow” I thought to myself. Here I was 25, with three babies three and under and alone in life. A circumstance I had always feared, doing life without my amazing Patrick, parenting boys alone and not having someone to share life pleasures and pressures with.

Most people desire a title, work hard for it, dream of it and some people go to drastic measures to obtain it. This title is surely not like that, it’s a title no one desires and a journey no one wishes.

Every single time I fill out paperwork and have to check the widow box, it hits me all over again….I am not married. I still feel SO madly in love, still look at my husband longingly but now it’s just through pictures, still speak of him all throughout the day, still wear my wedding ring, and still feel like I am married but I am not. I no longer have an earthly husband, a partner for life, and the only human who fully knew me is permanently gone. It’s a hard reality but one I embrace.

You see, as a widow, it means that God CALLED me to this title. I didn’t want it or seek it, yet He, my sovereign Savior, CHOSE me for this journey. This is God’s perfect will for my life.  Christ is now my husband and He will ALWAYS  take care of me. Right after hearing my husband died and fearful thoughts barraged me, the Lord whispered in my heart, ” I am your provider and you will never have to fear because I will take care of you”.  

My husband bought me flowers one time when he was so broke and it was such a sweet thoughtful sacrifice. I asked him never to buy me flowers again, because it would have to pull from another area in the budget where we needed it more. A couple weeks before he died I told him I would be ok if he bought me flowers now, and secretly was hoping he would just show up one day with some. About two weeks after losing my beloved, I looked in the kitchen and saw several beautiful arrangements with flowers and it was as if the Lord told me, “How am I doing as your husband? I told you I would take care of you.”God showed me in that moment that I am His, He had not forgotten me.

I know He is enough and He will remain true to His promise. He will take care of the widow and the Fatherless. He won’t leave us alone, that is why He sent us Jesus to comfort and carry us thru this journey called life.
Being a widow is hard, it’s lonely and it’s permanent but God’s love is never ending, ever present and more elaborate than anything I could imagine. So I will embrace what I know to be true and thank God for His goodness in allowing me to be His widow.

Comments 8

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  1. Hi Brittany! We met at church a few weeks ago in the lobby with our babies and I have loved reading your blog. You have such a beautiful way of expressing your thoughts and devotion to our Lord and Savior. I know you never would have chosen this path but I admire how gracefully you have taken up this cross and how you are putting your trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs. You are such a beautiful light in this world and I know God will continue to move mountains using your testimony.

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    Jill, You are so precious! Thank you for your sweet encouragement and for taking the time to write me. I love that I got to run into you the other day at church and then the grocery store too 🙂
    Grateful for your encouragement and your prayers. You are a blessing to me!

  3. Brittany,
    Your post brought tears to my eyes, specifically the part where you felt like God was asking how he was doing as your husband. Your testimony of leaning into the Father and trusting his plan and provision is incredible. I hope that you continue to feel the depth of his love this week!

  4. Thank you, thank you, for your example of hope. I, too, am a young Christian widow, raising three children. God bless you, Sister, for the hope your journey brings.

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    Thank you so much for taking the time to write me Sarah. I am SO sorry that you are walking through this difficult journey as well! So grateful you know Jesus though! What a precious Savior we have that holds us through the gut wrenching pain. He is so faithful! Blessings to you and your precious family! 🙂

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