*I wrote this post about a year or so ago about the journey with my first born and not sleeping. I thought it would encourage some of my friends who are going through this today.
This is just to encourage the other moms out there who every single night go to bed hoping that they have finally found the right formula and their child will sleep. This is for that very weary mother who is in desperate need of sleep and encouragement. This is for the mother who is tired of hearing the well wishers tell her what she needs to do, that she must not be doing it right, yet she longs to be told she is a great mother and has a wonderful baby even if they aren’t a great sleeper. I was this mom.
My precious baby boy had a sweet personality and disposition from the beginning but was not a good sleeper. I read every book, researched for countless hours on the internet or seeking out counsel from other moms and mentors and nothing worked. I was exhausted. I remember during one long night and it hadn’t even been an hour since he was up the first time and he was crying; as I got out of my bed I was so upset that he was awake and I was angry I had to get up again. Before I could even make it out of my room the Lord breathed some truth in my heart and I felt as if He whispered “aren’t you glad you have a baby to get up with? Aren’t you glad that he is an answer to prayer and that he is healthy enough to cry?” WOW that was so convicting! I was too busy being selfish of my sleep to thank the Lord for His amazing blessings in my life. I quickly confessed my sin and asked the Lord to give me a grateful heart even through these difficult circumstances. This is something I am convicted of many many times. Every trial has its difficulty and every trial has its lessons. I remember begging the Lord to show me what He wanted me to learn and then bring me out of this difficult time. One thing that I will never forget is the lesson of emptying of myself. I couldn’t do life in what I would define as “well”, every time someone would ask about how he sleeps I would have to swallow my pride and realize that its ok to not have a good sleeper. The Lord used this time is a GREAT way to humble me.
When my child doesn’t sleep my life is no where near perfect, actually when my child does sleep its not :). But through this trial I learned that I don’t have to have my life together, I can come broken, exhausted and crying to the feet of my Savior and beg Him for strength. This season was a time of desperation and exhaustion but I feel like the Lord needed to break me of my self and of my pride that I would have it all together and be a wonderful mom. Instead of feeling like I was a great mother I felt like I was in great need of the Father to teach me His ways and show me how to be a mother each and every day.
So if you are in the season, take heart and learn from the Lord. Sit at His feet during this exhausting day when you and the baby are crying and learn from HIM. Cast your care on Him and know that He wants to hear about your day and your struggles and your heart. He wants you to lean in and know Him more through this.
And ps if you were wondering my baby magically started sleeping through the night at about 8.5months old. We hadn’t done anything different it was just time. I was so grateful for the goodness of the Lord. Be encouraged, don’t be burdened down if everything in the book doesn’t work for your child and remember they haven’t even read the book 😉