Walking Through Grief

It has been almost 6 months since my husband was ushered into heaven, sometimes it feels like it has been years. The change in the seasons to Spring delivers a different load of grief, memories, and pain. I have been dealing with a mountain of paperwork that occurs with death, picking out the tombstone, etc… and  taking care of my sweet 3 boys who are 3 and under,  nursing a baby every 3 hours, trying to navigate dealing with what doctors called a severe allergy with the baby, intermittent sickness for all 4 of us all while grieving and getting adjusted to doing life without my husband and partner. (Just in case you were wondering what the life of a widow right now looks like and how to better pray for us.) We are truly walking through the valley of the shadow of death. It is not getting easier, it is getting harder as more and more realities hit every day with the absence of my sweet man. We are hurting deeply but hurting with HOPE. God is more real to me than ever, the hope of eternity is clear and so desirable. I tell myself daily not to get comfortable in this world, and preach the truth to myself about how God is truly enough even though half of me has died with my husband, along with our dreams and plans. It is a moment by moment surrender to God and His ways that are so much higher and greater than mine. It is trusting that His will IS BEST. The Word of God has become food to my soul, it provides strength, hope and joy every single time I open it.  When you go through suffering you can either close your fists and be angry or open your hands and say Lord I am yours, SPEAK. My hands and my heart are open and the Lord is using this time to show me my weaknesses and my great need for Him. I am so grateful for how He works and how merciful He is not to allow us to stay where we are. I keep asking God to teach me, and help me to NEVER forget what He is teaching me during this time. I know I will never be the same nor live the same. My world has truly been changed forever and so has my relationship with Christ.

walking through grief

I am so grateful for how walking through this suffering has allowed me to have so many conversations with my boys about eternity and about knowing Jesus. Toddlers don’t understand death like we do, and quite frankly, my boys don’t fear it at all because to them it represents going to heaven to be with Jesus and their daddy. The other day as I was crying and missing Patrick, my son walked up to me and said “Do you want to die mommy, because then you can go and see daddy!”. I responded that I didn’t want to die right then but I just wanted Jesus to come and get us. It spurred us on to have a conversation about how God alone appoints the day of our death and He has us here on the earth still for a purpose, and that purpose is to share Jesus and His hope with as many people as we can. I told him how daddy died and the Lord is using that to show many people how to have life in Christ and that although we are sad, we are so grateful for how God is working. Then the other night as I was  rocking  my toddlers on the porch  late at night to get some cold air to help them with their coughing,  I was singing “You will always be more than enough for me, nothing can stop Your plans for me nothing can take Your love away” and “Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I know He holds the future and life is worth living just because He lives”. The thought occurred that these are no longer songs we sing but they are the plea of our hearts and they are our life, that life is worth living and His promises are true. These conversations, these convicting words in songs, the pulling on my heart strings towards eternity, the burden for lost people to come to Christ and saved people to be encouraged……that  is what this suffering is about- perspective change.

walking through grief

I am learning that suffering is God’s mercy to awaken our hearts, so our grip on this world loosens and our grip on His Word tightens. Suffering is a gift and it has purpose. May we never be the same after what God is doing.

Walking through grief
Thank you for your faithful prayers for our family, please continue as we navigate this hard journey of grief while clinging to Jesus and His promises.

walking through grief- widow life

My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees. Psalm 119:71

Comments 33

  1. Brittany,
    I can see and hear that you are walking with The Lord and depending on Him. Praying for you my precious sister. You bring Jesus glory. Blessings Sylvia Comer (William’s mom)

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  2. Brittany, even though we have never met I know we are sisters in Christ! Your words and strength are a balm to my soul – Patrick’s legacy and your continued wisdom in your suffering is a blessing. I can only imagine your grief as you carry on and caring for your three little ones. Patrick would not be surprised but so proud. I continue to pray for you and all those who loved and miss your “sweet man.”

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  3. You are an inspiration….and your heart for Jesus is so beautiful. Praying God’s grace for you one moment at a time my dear sister in Christ….may He pour down His blessing and presence in your life in an unbelievable way as He holds your hand through this.

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  4. I love your ability to share your heart. You still radiant the fragrance of Christ in all you do, even when you are hurting. I am thankful you are sharing your story as I know it encourages so many who are also hurting. Love you and praying for you.

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      Thank you so much! Thank you for how you faithfully have walked this path with our family. We are so grateful for how you love, serve and pray for us! Love you!

  5. Love you sweet girl, pray for you daily and every time I think of you and your boys. Sharing your heart on this walk through the valley of death is so inspiring as you share your faith–to God be the glory!

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      Thank you so much! You are such an encouragement to us and we are so grateful! Thank you for being so faithful to pray for us!

  6. Brittany, I lost my husband to cancer 10 years after we were married. I had 4 children to raise. They were older than yours, oldest was 9, then 7, then 4 and youngest was 2 1/2. And I want to let you know how Precious the Lord was to me too. I’m so glad you have the Lord to lean on; He will always be there for you and your children! I also used the Psalms and singing hymns as a comfort. That was 39 years ago, and the Lord is still with me. Two of my boys had Parkinson’s Disease. My one Son passed into Heaven 2 1/2 years ago, and my youngest Son is still dealing with the Parkinson’s; BUT GOD is still there for us and will never leave us nor forsake us! There will be lots of days that will be very hard, but always remember God is the Great Comforter! Love in Christ, Erna

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    Erna, first off I am so sorry to hear that about your sons and husband, you have and are walking through much suffering. Second thank you SO much for taking the time to write me and proclaim the goodness of the Lord as someone who has walked there and has seen what He has done. What an encouragement it is to my heart to read this and know the testimony of Jesus in your life. You are such a blessing and I am so grateful you took the time to encourage me! Blessings to your sweet family!

  8. Your words echo my heart. I too had half of my heart die when my husband entered Heaven 11 months ago. I have 7 children, the youngest was 9 at the time.
    God truly is our refuge and strength.

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    Lois! So grateful you took the time to write me. I am so sorry for this hard journey you are walking through and for all the pain. I am so grateful we have the Lord as our strength because we can’t stand a moment by ourselves. That’s amazing that the Lord blessed you with 7 treasures and legacies! I love it and love big families:) just lifted you and your family up in prayer! Would love to continue to keep up with you and your family.

  10. Oh Brittany! I don’t know you but I do have 3 littles one just like you and although I haven’t walked through what you’re walking through, I have experienced those difficult mommy moments while sleep deprived as well. Your faith encourages me almost DAILY! More than any sermon Ive listened to, song Ive heard, or person Ive met. God is using you to witness to many, including me. I think of you often in my day to day and pray for you. May God strengthen you moment by moment as your dependence on him deepens. “Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

  11. If I could, I would live at your house and physically walk with you and the boys as you continue to do life without your sweet man. I am so grateful that you are a Christian and have the best Helper with you always. I can only imagine the constant triggers of everything having to do with him and your heart’s sadness. You are so faithful to be authentic in your grief journey and be an encouragement to those around you. The toughest stories are the most memorable, and your family’s is that. You are impacting so many people, so many souls as you proclaim Christ.
    Your boys have a treasure listening to you sing your Jesus songs- your voice is beautiful and your heart is clinging to the words that you believe, or are praying to believe. I’m always so proud of you.

  12. Hey Brittany! I know we do not know each other but have lots of mutual friends. Ben, from Southeast Restoration, is my husband. He said he told you when he came over to your house that I had you and your family on my heart. God is so good in how He always works things out. I had not even told Ben about how I was feeling that God wanted me to reach out to you and then he came home and said he was going over to your house to help out with some things. I felt God nudge me again to reach out to you. I reached out back in January,on your blog, to tell you about Holden and Patrick and camp and that we were praying for your family. I would love to help you in any way I can (big or small). Not sure if or what kind of help you need (laundry girl, cleaner, baby holder, playmate for kiddos so mama can breath , cook, help with bath time, whatever.) I’ve had 3 little ones so I know extra hands are useful. God keeps nudging me to reach out so that’s what I am doing. I don’t want you to feel pressure if you have everything under control and don’t any other help right now. Just wanted you to know if you do need help now or in the future, I would love to serve your family in any way I can:) Our family will continue praying for you and your boys. If you want to text or call, my number is 770-595-3443.

  13. Brandy, thank you so much for your precious thoughtfulness and for being obedient to the Spirit! You are such a blessing and I am so thankful for your intentionality and kindness! Ben has my number if you want it (don’t want to post online lol) so grateful for your faithful prayers! Your husband and business has been a huge answer to prayer and we are so grateful for all you have done for our family! 🙂 blessings to you! Thank you again for reaching out!

  14. Brittany-
    I just read your story (coming from the Femina blog). My heart is heavy for you and your boys. I am married with a daughter and son and one of my biggest fears is losing my husband. Something I struggle to give to God. I appreciated your words about suffering and how “our grip on this world loosens and our grip on His Word tightens”. I lost my dad 3.5 years ago and while it wasn’t as intimate as losing one’s husband, it did make me realize how I needed to open my hands towards God. Thank you for your openness about the heavy sorrow you are dealing with yet clinging to Christ and gratitude to Him. You are a beautiful example!

  15. Susanna, thank you so much for taking the time to write to me and encourage me! You are such a blessing and I am so thankful for you! I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, I know you miss him dearly!! May the Comforter comfort us all and turn our eyes to eternity!

  16. Brittany, You touched my heart. I lost my husband over a yr ago and it has drawn me so much closer to the Lord. I just gave a testimony about the tragedies that hit me back to back for 3 mths. He has been so faithful to me. I can praise God through it all and show others through our trials how Awesome our God is! You and I are overcomers. Bless you. We will share His Word.

  17. You are an inspiration and I believe in God being intentional in leading and guiding our lives… I am not yet married nor have any kids but the way you have surrendered t God teaches me the same… that it doesn’t specifically to be only in grief that we hold on to Christ totally… your story has made eternity even more real for me and it always acts as a reminder that we are on earth for a purpose and thus we shouldn’t get comfortable or relax or forget… Praying for God’s Grace even more throughout this journey. Love from Kenya-Africa

  18. Dear Brittany,

    I am mad at how true your words are. I lost my young son a few months ago, and today I want to stay stuck in self pity. God has made Himself known in tangible ways, and I have many moments of falling to my knees in praise. But today I am just angry. Angry that I cannot blink away this reality. Angry that I cannot bring my child back and do not have a choice but to walk this road. Angry that I cannot wallow in self pity for too long because I can open my eyes and see that I am not the only one suffering.

    Thank you for your posts. Thank you for your reminders that there is a beautiful purpose in any hurt God allows into our lives-and that this is true on the days I feel it and the days I don’t. I cannot read your posts and stay stuck on the self pity train. There is too much truth in them that hold a mirror up to the ugly fact that I am CHOOSING self pity today.

    I don’t know if you ever feel this way, but there are times when, because of my faith, I hold myself or feel like I am being held by others-all well intentioned- to a standard of living out my faith so well in this suffering. That if I falter, all those encouraged by my story will falter or be discouraged. Like I said I don’t know if you ever feel that way, but if you have, I just wanted to offer you encouragement that you are not alone. A friend told me once recently that God did not expect me to be perfect in my faith, and for whatever reason that brought me to my knees. That He accepts me when my heart is longing for Him, when my heart is angry, when my heart is doubting, when my heart is just numb. I do not want to get stuck in those places, but I do want to be able to acknowledge them, and it was just such a relief to hear someone say that God is just holding me plain and simple, despite my faith or lack thereof in a moment.

    Thank you again for posts, and for sharing your heart. Praying that God make His presence so tangible to you.

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    Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. I am SO SORRY for the hurt and pain you are walking through. Oh girl my heart aches for you and what you are having to experiencing. Grief is so painful and such a raw and vulnerable emotion. I loved what you said, I always tell people its not my faith but WHO I have faith in, He is faithful when I am faithless! What a precious Savior we have!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage me and let me know that I am not alone. You blessed me so much today! Thank you girl!


    Brittany Price

  20. Hi Brittany! My prayers will go forth daily for you honey. I cannot begin to imagine what you have experience this past year. I have been extremely blessed by your Blog. I was having a really bad day Wednesday because I too am suffering from lost but not the same type of lost. The Lord has just been shifting my life but it hurts. The process really hurts but when I read a lot of your blog post I left work so encouraged!!! The Lord used you to remind me that my suffering has purpose. My pain has purpose and I’m only still here because He’s not done with me. He choose me to endure because His Glory will be revealed later. I’m so sorry for your lost honey but I knkw God is with you daily! I wanted to tell you I’m so encouraged by your bravery, your strength, your pure and sweet heart, your ability to stand and remain strong through this valley. You are one brave and virtuous woman Brittany. Your obedience to keep pressing and blessing others while being hurt is extremely powerful. So many women/people go the opposite way after a traumatic experience but you chose the Cross! Bless you and your family (especially those precious little souls that call you mommy) I’m so encouraged my your ministry Brittany and I look forward to meeting you one day when I come to GA.

    I will always keep you in my prayers but just know your words change the course of my heart and gave me strength to keep on. The Lord and Patrick is Extremely Proud of His Wife right now!!!!!


    Tiffany Ann

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    Tiffany you are just SO SO precious to take the time to write me and encourage me! So very thankful for you and grateful for your faithful prayers, sweet words and encouragement. Proud of you for pressing into Jesus even when it hurts. So thankful for the Hope we have in Him! You are such a blessing to me and I am so thankful for yoU! Blessings to you girl! Hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

  22. Brittany,
    I had a friend recently tell me your story of loss and your beautiful journey as you walk with the Lord. I started listening to “The Elm” and have been reading a few blogs. Your words are so encouraging and your faith is absolutely inspiring. I’m going through loss in my life too, a different kind, but I’ve learned that I have never been so close to the Lord as when I have walked through darkness. You are an amazing young woman of God and He is using you even as you walk through the valley. His ways are perfect and He is always good. Lord bless you and your sweet family.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers,
    Merry Christmas.

  23. Sydney I am so sorry for the pain and suffering you are walking through right now but so proud of you for clinging to Christ and His mighty hope in the midst of it. Keep pressing on girl! Thank you so much for taking the time to write me and encourage me! So thankful for you!

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