A New Chapter

Everyone of us are faced with pain in our lives. It comes in all forms and affects us in different ways. It may be sickness, death, financial difficulties, rebellious kids or any various circumstances. It’s not if we will be faced with pain but how we will respond to it. For me, pain came at the age of 25 in a way I could never have fathomed. My husband suddenly died and I was left with three precious boys under the age of 3. Widowhood is a lonely journey and not a path anyone would want to choose. It’s pain that hits you out of nowhere and has a permanent sting that is difficult to describe. In order to understand my life fully, it would would mean that you have walked this path filled with the sting of death too, and I wouldn’t wish that on a soul. My amazing husband, Patrick will always be loved, missed, treasured and honored by me and so many others beyond the circle of family. I chose him for life and I am always grateful I did, its just that forever didn’t turn out how I planned. I wanted one man for life, one dream, one united family. Yet we live in an imperfect world where death, sickness and pain come in an instant and change everything. I didn’t have a choice in the pain but only in the way I would steward the pain I was given. I am walking a path I never wanted but one I want to do well to the glory of God. I prayed often that God will just help me to widow well for His glory, and help me to find my all in Christ alone. He truly has been my hope, my comfort and my strength.

Instead of reaching back to the grave I have chosen to reach up to eternity and keep my eyes set on the prize, which is King Jesus. I want to keep my time and emotions aimed at the gospel and what truly matters in this life. I don’t want to stand in the valley of the shadow of death, I want to face pain head on and walk through it, not filling the pain with other things but feeling it. God has seen me every night fall in bed exhausted doing life by myself, with no one to partner with, to celebrate the joys of life and to share the great sorrows. No one to protect and provide, to be a daily example to my boys and train them in the ways of the Lord. He heard my prayer when I told Him that if I was more effective for the Kingdom of God as a widow, I would be that the rest of my life knowing eternal impact was greater than my earthly comfort, and this life is short. He saw my boys cry after we got in the car from a birthday party where they noticed they were the only ones without a daddy there. He saw them cry and ask why their daddy had to die, and why he would never be there to jump on the trampoline with them or see their brother walk and talk. He saw my exhaustion from getting up all through the night, nursing a newborn and comforting grieving toddlers all while crying because of the utter pain and loneliness I felt from doing it all alone. He saw me going to bed alone each night and waking up each morning alone. It felt like it had been another lifetime where I had been happily married and dreaming about our life together. God saw me and He worked.

In the midst of finding purpose in the pain, I began to communicate with others walking in grief. It was not because I had anything figured out, and certainly not because I had handled everything perfectly, but because I wanted people to know they weren’t alone in their suffering and that God would carry them through. Throughout this journey, I was in the process of trying to choosing joy instead of bitterness, choosing to get out of bed when all I wanted to do was disengage emotionally and physically. I tried to choose contentment over jealousy and accept healing from God and not waiting on time to do it but trusting Jesus and His word to heal the gaping wound death created. In the midst of this season of healing, God brought a gift, a blessing in this temporary life that reminds me daily of His goodness as a Father to my boys and I. As I was trying to encourage one deeply hurting family, God allowed my paths to cross with a widower who was doing the same. Here was this man who was walking the same difficult calling as me, grieving his great love and best friend, single parenting and doing life alone. But instead of wallowing in the pain he was committed to use it for something greater than himself.

Jesus grew a love so great and strong through the depths of brokenness and began growing a beauty from the despair. Hearts united for the same eternal purpose, someone who understood a person cannot be replaced, a parent who didn’t shut down for life but chose to live even when faced with death. Only God could bring these stories together, such deep pain to such great healing.

Through long distance, 5 small children, grief, ministry and many prayers and counseling, God began writing a new chapter in our lives. When our stories only looked like they would be ladened with sorrow, God wrote one filled with joy. He alone has brought together two families to do life better together than apart. He is going to give me the strength to mother two grieving children as my own and tell them about how much their mom loved them and chose them and share pictures of her beautiful smile while knowing the great depth of their pain. He alone is going to give Daniel the strength to take on 3 little toddler boys who can’t remember the sound of their daddy’s laugh and wonder why they didn’t have a dad in so many family pictures and yet be present for their life today and remind them of how much their daddy loved them and how they will see him again because of Jesus. He alone is going to give us the grace to be married to someone who people refer to as someone else’s spouse, and everyone has inside jokes and memories that we will never understand. We both have a life already lived that the other didn’t get to be a part of. He is going to give grace to marry someone who didn’t chose to not be married again and only wanted one spouse for life. He alone is going to give grace to be thankful for every good and perfect gift and never compare God’s gifts and timing. He alone is going to give grace to bring 4 grieving families together, not by choice but by death. It’s such an odd and difficult situation yet one with God’s fingerprints all over.

He alone is going to give grace to share about the past but give strength to not live there. He alone is going to give grace to pour out your heart and your body to others each day in a new life and world you never thought you would be in and you still don’t feel enough for it. He is going to be enough, never the circumstances, the joy, the pain. Christ is going to be enough. Just as He has been faithful in the sorrow, He will be faithful in the joys. He is the God of the mountains and the valleys, and the sustainer of them all. To Him we worship, to Him we adore. Broken always yet held together by His hand.

So thankful for the amazing David Douglas Jewelers who was so gracious and kind and blessed our family by being part of our redemption story.

Comments 18

  1. This is beautiful Brittany! He indeed has carried you both through a dark, lonely journey… and brought forth a new chapter! Praise God for His blessings! Praying for you both as you soon become one family and transition in so many ways. Praying for continued healing, and thank you for sharing with everyone else.

  2. Brittany, wow. Just wow. What a beautiful reflection of God’s provision and joy. May God continue to bless your walk with unexpected miracles. Praying for you always my friend. And yaaaaaay!!!! Congrats to you two!!!! ✨

  3. Your strength and your wisdom have ALWAYS amazed me. Loved reading this and I can’t wait to see how God writes the next chapter of HIStory in your lives. Be blessed today and make lots of new memories.

  4. I have watched and read how you hurt so deeply yet you never took your eyes off of Jesus. I cried for you many times when I read your posts and blogs, and I always knew there was going to be a happy ending in this story one day. I rejoice with you and many others that you have found joy again. God is so good! I just know He will blend your families perfectly.

  5. As an older woman who lost her soul mate of over 50 years
    I am so thankful that GOD has given you the gifts to be able to share your story. I too have chosen joy and praise that my love is rejoicing with the LORD. May GOD continue to bless and use you

  6. Brittany you have shared your life story well. Praising God through it all. Now, you and Daniel get to share the rest of your lives together, with your five precious little souls to raise, and I will continue to pray for you and yours. I’m thankful God allowed our paths to cross so many years ago.

  7. Oh Brittany, how GOOD God is. Your faith and trust through this so difficult time has touched SO many, glorified God and comforted those of us who walk and have walked the widows life. God has given you a wonderful gift of joy, love and togetherness again with a new love. Patrick will never be forgotten and will live in your heart forever. Much happiness I wish for you, your boys, Daniel and your new family!!! I am still praying God will bring someone into my life to love and be loved. I spent 47 years with the love of my life and I pray The Lord will bless me again, but if not, I will praise Him for LIFE!!! Maria Geros

  8. Brittany,
    What an amazing story to wake up to and read. God is great! Blessings to you, Daniel and the children as this new journey begins. I feel so fortunate to be able to witness this love through facebook. Your faith is a gift that I feel so honored to be encouraged by. Please know you are so loved, respected and admired. Keep us a part of your life as it brings hope to more than you shall ever know. God bless you all as you unite and parent these beautiful children.

  9. There is so much healing and redemption in your story, God is writing is beautifully. Thank you for sharing it with us, your perspective is encouraging. I know it hasn’t been easy and I can only imagine how hard it has been, but your perspective is eternal.

  10. I feel that The Lord has heard all of our prayers for you and your boys and I’m so thankful for the story of redemption and healing that only He could provide for you, your boys, and Daniel and his children. Your story reminds me of Job in so many ways, and I’m thankful that you continued to bless His Name despite the significant burden you and your entire family carried. Thank you for that Brittany! God used you as an encouragement to so many even in your darkest hour b/c you chose to honor Him! I’m so proud of you girl!

  11. Oh sweet one! I am so thrilled for you both! God has taken what was wrent and woven together two separate families into one beautiful tapestry that display His love, healing and grace – even stronger than what existed before because of what you have endured by the power of His strength. Love you, Britt, and am so happy for you all!

  12. “Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;” Psalm 30:11

    Were it not for the next verse, I would be totally silent in awe of reading your news:

    “To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.” Psalm 30:12

    Praise God! He has done what only He can do! There are no boundaries to the mysteries and wonders of our Lord. I cannot wait to see what God has planned…exceeding abundantly more that all we could ask or think!

    Amen and amen!

  13. This is so beautifully written! What a blessing and testimony. Only God almighty could have written this story. What a testament that Jesus is alive and working. Thank you for being so bold to share your life with the world! Your story has changed me in such a positive way. Thank you! I will be praying for you as you navigate this new season in your life.

  14. Such a sweet story of His redeeming love. I heard your story through my sweet friend Kimberly Chalk was in BSF with you last year. I prayed for you–and at the SAME time I had been praying for the man in these pictures because I’m friends with the Beggs family and knew Lyndsie’s mom and many siblings. Lyndsie’s was so special–and I had been praying for her husband after she fought well and went to be with Jesus. I remember thinking I wished you two could meet–but I prayed instead you both would be led, taken care of by Jesus and provided deeply for. I have also prayed for your children. I’m a little amazed right now that I’m just a mom in Alpharetta who has been praying for you both…and my jaw just dropped when I saw his face in your pictures! God answered my prayers in a way I hoped but didn’t think would happen!

  15. This is so beautifully written. I started following you on social media after coming across your music that I desperately needed during hard times. I listened to the music for comfort, then heard your story and my heart broke for you. The bravery and courage you have shown while also sharing the gospel and encouraging others is truly remarkable. I am so happy to see you happy and in love. You deserve to have a partner for life here on earth and I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed you with one. Wishing you all the best and thank you for sharing your journey with us.

  16. So beautifully and well written!!! I too can can relate in ways to your journey of losing a loving husband and being left with 5 young precious children at the time. Its been 12 years now that I’ve been a widow. It’s an unbelievable journey that you so clearly know you cannot go through on your own but only by the strength of our Heavenly Father!!! The Lord has shown his faithfulness to my kids and I and it’s so encouraging to hear how God has continued to give you strength and provide for you and your kids!! Thank you for your honesty of your story and may the Lord continue to bless you as you press on in life trusting Him!!

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