Grief has a way of transforming us. For me at times I felt like the fun-loving, bubbly, happy-go-lucky girl I used to be was just buried deep under grief, she was still there just underneath some pain. There are moments when I felt like I was only defined by brokenness; that my identity was “broken.”
I prayed and sought Christ on this, and although I will never be the same, who I am in Christ has never changed. I knew one day I wouldn’t feel so shattered and one day I would feel more joy than pain, and God would work in great ways to restore, redeem and heal. I knew it takes time to heal and that the transformation going on in my heart would be greater because of the pain. I was me, just under construction through the fire of suffering. God was welding and purifying my heart, it just takes time.
When I was praying I asked God what He calls me–when He sees me is all He sees “broken”? I felt like He clearly said: What I call you is “Mine.” Our circumstances don’t define who we are or what we are called no matter how consuming they may feel. Christ is who defines us and our identity in Him is never shaken no matter how intense the storm. God sees us, He holds us, and He calls us His own.
I don’t think He said “Look at Brittany– she used to laugh more, smile more, sing more, now she cries more often, deals with loneliness and feels overwhelmed at times with my calling on her life.” No, I think He says “There is MY daughter Brittany, MY child in whom I watch over and cherish–she is so very near to me, and I am working everyday to remind her that she is chosen, she is loved and she is seen. I am healing her and I have great plans for her. I love my daughter and I want to bless her.”
You see the eyes of our Savior see the broken-hearted. He is near, He heals, and He is God with us. Even if you feel like your identity is due to your circumstances, know Christ paid the ultimate price so that your name would be “My Child.” Let us rest in that precious assurance that He who made you loves you and calls you His own.