Grief has a way of transforming us. For me at times I felt like the fun-loving, bubbly, happy-go-lucky girl I used to be was just buried deep under grief, she was still there just underneath some pain. There are moments when I felt like I was only defined by brokenness; that my identity was “broken.”
I prayed and sought Christ on this, and although I will never be the same, who I am in Christ has never changed. I knew one day I wouldn’t feel so shattered and one day I would feel more joy than pain, and God would work in great ways to restore, redeem and heal. I knew it takes time to heal and that the transformation going on in my heart would be greater because of the pain. I was me, just under construction through the fire of suffering. God was welding and purifying my heart, it just takes time.
When I was praying I asked God what He calls me–when He sees me is all He sees “broken”? I felt like He clearly said: What I call you is “Mine.” Our circumstances don’t define who we are or what we are called no matter how consuming they may feel. Christ is who defines us and our identity in Him is never shaken no matter how intense the storm. God sees us, He holds us, and He calls us His own.
I don’t think He said “Look at Brittany– she used to laugh more, smile more, sing more, now she cries more often, deals with loneliness and feels overwhelmed at times with my calling on her life.” No, I think He says “There is MY daughter Brittany, MY child in whom I watch over and cherish–she is so very near to me, and I am working everyday to remind her that she is chosen, she is loved and she is seen. I am healing her and I have great plans for her. I love my daughter and I want to bless her.”
You see the eyes of our Savior see the broken-hearted. He is near, He heals, and He is God with us. Even if you feel like your identity is due to your circumstances, know Christ paid the ultimate price so that your name would be “My Child.” Let us rest in that precious assurance that He who made you loves you and calls you His own.
Comments 15
Beautifully said!❤️
Thank you so much!
What a great reminder of how we belong to Him and how He loves His children no matter the circumstances in our lives!
Thank you! SO thankful for Jesus!
Beautiful message, my sweet friend. Love you so much
Thank you! Love you girl!
Dearest Brittany, I don’t feel like you do. I feel that God is saying, “Look at Susan. She used to smile all of the time, and be cheerful and kind. She cries more often now that the numbness is wearing off, and she realizes that life will never be as it once was before her 68 yr. old husband’s death.” How will I feel more joy than pain one day? How can God transform my heart into something greater because of the pain? I’m all negative and angry that my husband is gone, so much so, that I can’t believe God is expecting me to praise Him in the midst of my grief. Rather than praising Him, all I do is question Him…”Why, God, why.” He, like your husband, was a faithful servant of God’s. I can not accept that he fulfilled God’s purpose on earth, therefore God called him Home. I don’t know what God’s purpose for me is. But I do know my grief is unbearable, and it’s been eighteen months, two weeks after your husband went Home. Is this a normal emotion that appears about this time after losing your loved one, and if so, why are you not feeling it? Perhaps it’s me… I’m lost. I want that promise that God is using my precious husband’s passing for my good. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? I’m sorry for speaking so bluntly… that’s where my heart is at the present time.
I am so sorry for the great hurt and pain you are experiencing. Grief is so personal and its a crazy emotion and everyone facing it handles it differently and are effected by it in a different way. Have you gone to a good christian counselor? That was SUPER helpful for me to do and work out emotions and walk through things. Bring all those emotions to God, your questions your anger everything, He can handle it. Grief at times felt very unbearable and like I couldn’t breath but I am no longer in that spot that I was in. I think for me turing my eyes to others and their pain and how I could help people helped my perspective and leaning hard into Jesus and His word for comfort. I am so sorry for the great grief. There is no right thing to say or do and I certainly haven’t graduated from the school of suffering, but what I do know is God never once has failed or forsaken me even in the deepest parts. For me the pain still is there but the stinging has gotten better and the waves are further apart and God has done so much healing. I am praying for healing in your heart too. God sees every tear you have and He cares for you. You are so loved by your Savior! You have longer ahead of you with your husband in eternity then the life you lived with him on this earth, and it will be a time with no pain, tears or sorrow, and what a sweet day that will be!
Never forget that widowhood is a higher calling than marriage. This is a blessing for you and I think it is helping you to mature in your faith.
Hello Daniel, how can widowhood be a blessing? How can it be a higher calling than marriage? Please explain. Is this scriptural? I’m presuming it is and am embarrassed that I have never heard anyone say that. Are you a widower? (This truly is not intended to be a smart-mouth comment to you.) ‘Just wondering from what resource your information comes. Thank you for your input.
We can agree to disagree with each other, the greatest calling is to be in God’s will no matter what that leads you in life, one is not better than the other, its just where God has you and being content where He has placed you. But I do agree going through suffering refines you and makes you grow in your faith if you are leaning hard into Jesus through it, but in marriage there is a lot of suffering and refinement and growth too; so not better just different. Thank you for your thoughts! Blessings to you!
“We can agree to disagree with each other, the greatest calling is to be in God’s will no matter what that leads you in life, one is not better than the other, its just where God has you and being content where He has placed you.”
I agree with you actually. But God’s will for all is being in communion with him. Which is why St. Paul recommends for singles like myself to refrain from marriage (1 Cor. 7:8-9, 25:-35). Also, for your condition, a woman who is married is bound to her husband but then when he dies is freed (Rom. 7:2-3). He’s referring to the fact that human relations, while good, can often pose a distraction. Which is why he recommends that widows stay widows and singles stay unmarried singles (1 Tim. 5:1-16).
Thus, because being freed from a relationship enables one to devote more time to their relationship with God, the unmarried condition is best, widowhood second, and marriage often worse.
So in a sense one is better. But to be exact, marriage has much advantage to it as well–married couples are given a crown of martyrdom which is a very high calling.
Dear Brittany.
I am Kirstens MIL. I came across your name on IG when you commented on her post. I just wanted to tell you how much the post above blessed me. When Brent was taken home to Jesus, it was devastating. Yet, because of my deep love and faith in the sovereignty of God I am still breathing and healing. Most days still quite numb inside, even often feeling dead, yet I know my Redeemer has so much more to restore to us and you than we can imagine. Thank you for your words to Kiki. Just from reading here I know the Lord is using you to help her heart. One day I will look forward to meeting you, your boys, and husband! And it will be eternal joy.
My husband went home two months before yours. Just today I heard Matthew West’s song on the radio –
When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
When you see too far gone
I see one step away from home
You see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I’m not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended
Our God is in the restoration business. Praise God he can see the big picture. We can live with hope because He is the God of hope.
Love that song and that family! And yes He is!!