August 15, 2010

Sometimes in grief, your heart remembers things your mind doesn’t. Every time I have looked at August 15th on the calendar my heart told me something was missing. This morning, I woke up and remembered 6 years ago Patrick asked me to be his girlfriend. On this day, every year he would remember and send me a sweet text or wake me up with a special kiss and tell me he was so glad I said yes. Even through all this gut wrenching pain, I still would have said yes 1000 times to that amazing godly man.

I had no idea that my first boyfriend would be my first love, and would be my greatest heartbreak. I had no idea God was going to produce in our family endurance through the form of death. I didn’t know as I got butterflies in my stomach holding his hand, that one day I would stand over his grave holding the little hands of his fatherless babies. I didn’t know that this man’s life and death would impact me and others in such a eternal way.

I’m glad we said yes to life. I am so glad we said yes to each other. I am so glad we didn’t wait to say yes to children and had three close together. I’m so glad we didn’t wait until the kids got out of the house to enjoy each other and invest in our marriage. I am so glad that we fought the fight of life on our knees, knowing we had no strength in ourselves to do it. I am glad God chose to use our yes. This day is tender and the pain is so real but so is the thankfulness I feel for that simple yes. I wrote that day, that saying yes felt like I was walking in the unknown trusting God’s hand to lead me, even to heartbreak if that was His will. Never would I have imagined the heartbreak it would lead too, nor did I realize the love it would grow. Now 6 years later I am saying yes to God again, unsure of the future and trusting His hand through this journey of life. He is holding me through the heartbreak and He will hold me through the healing.


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Comments 8

  1. Dear Brittany, it sounds awkward to say I “look forward to each of your posts”, for I would never wish that someone would lose a spouse, enabling her to write beautiful posts for me to read. Admittedly, I do find inspiration in reading the messages you post. Tomorrow, August 17, will be the 10th month since Jesus called my husband, Ray, home. We were married for 15 years, the last 5 being with his cancer. I feel there is no closure. You, and others who experienced an unexpected situation of death, understand how important closure is. How ridiculous to say I have no closure when Ray and I had 5 years to prepare for the final moments. I continue to look to you for guidance, the guidance I need to maintain some sanity. You are just amazing. We all recognize where your strength comes from. . . . our mighty Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I lift you and your 3 loving little boys up in prayer that you feel God’s comfort in your daily lives, and that your desire to do His Will continues to reach other ladies, like myself, who are traveling through this unknown territory. God bless you, Brittany, and thank you for your courage that helps you share your grief.

    1. Susan I am just so sorry you are walking through this hard and painful road. I am SO thankful for Jesus because without Him and His spirit that lives inside me this tired mama could’t stand for a moment. His grace moment by moment is what gets us through. He WILL heal the broken hearted and He WILL carry us through this. I don’t know how but I trust He will. Love you sweet sister and Christ and I am abundantly grateful for your prayers for our family and for your precious encouragement!

  2. Good morning precious one. I pray for you and can relate as we both travel this difficult road. My precious Bill was my first and only love. As these precious memories come about each year, they are bittersweet. In our 45 years we were blessed with 3 children who married 3 incredible people and produced 9 grandchildren. I am also so thankful for saying yes all those years ago. My sights are now set on Heaven, however I know God has much for me to do for Him until then. I love you sweet sister and I thank you for ministering to me. I pray for you often.

  3. You are SO precious Teresa and are such an encouragement to me! Thank you for sharing your precious story of love and children and for sharing your heart for eternity! I am so sorry you are walking this hard road too. Thank you SO MUCH for your prayers!

  4. Our 27-year-old daughter, Molly, suddenly lost her 6’6″, 34-year-old Christian husband of 5 years just before midnight on August 11, 2016. He died of a pulmonary embolism, on their bed, with her hands on his head while paramedics worked to help him. Their two girls — ages 3 and just-turned-one on August 8th — were sleeping across the hall. It is devastating to watch your daughter have to face this new normal. I thank you for your blog — I just discovered it yesterday — as it will help me to maybe understand a tiny bit of what she is going through. Please keep her and her girls in your prayers as they travel down this unwanted path. I pray they rely on His Word and promises as much as you do, for I think it is the only way they will get through each day. His memorial service is coming up on Saturday, a day I know will be difficult, but will usher in even more difficult days as everyone else heads back to their lives and she tries to forge a new one without the love of her life beside her. I hope some day soon she, too, will start reading your blog.

    1. Kellie,
      Thank you so much for writing me. My heart sank when I read about you’re beautiful daughter and precious grand babies. I am SO SO sorry for the pain and hurt you are walking through. I will be praying for them! Are y’all local to Atlanta? We have an amazing young widows group that is a godly group of ladies all navigating this thing called widowhood and parenting in the midst of it. Would love to connect with her, My email is
      I know she is crazy busy and in shock right now but if in a couple of months she wants to connect with some others going through this same journey then you have my information. What a blessing and HUGE gift that she has a wonderful and godly mom like you. You will be such an amazing encouragement to her and those babies as she navigates through the valley of the shadow of death. My parents have been such an amazing gift to me! Praying for your precious family! I am just so sorry y’all are walking through this hard hard road, but SO thankful you know Jesus who is our HOPE!

      Blessings to your sweet family!

      Brittany Price

      1. Thank you, Brittany, for your response. Unfortunately, we do not live near Atlanta, but in Colorado Springs. Your prayers are greatly appreciated, though. I will still forward your information to my daughter. Because her husband was an only child, and his parents live here, too, there are some challenging times regarding boundaries and letting Molly set the pace for going through his things. Thank you again for your prayers.

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