He Never Let Me Down

It’s been two years today since my world changed forever and I heard the words “we are so sorry, Patrick died.” It felt like a bad dream standing there as a happily married woman being told that the love of your life suddenly dropped dead at work leaving you a widow with three now fatherless babies. I had just kissed him goodbye that morning having no idea I kissed him goodbye for life. My life as I knew it, all my dreams and hopes, felt like they died right along with him.

I remember walking through those gut wrenching moments that I will never forget – singing happy birthday to my oldest turning 3, then walking in another room to plan a funeral for his hero daddy, nursing my tiny little newborn and then picking out his daddy’s casket and hearing my 21 month old crying for daddy over and over again and wondering why he wasn’t coming. It truly was Jesus who kept me afloat when I felt like I should have been drowning.

The 21 months of living alone with three toddlers, comforting children all through the night while barely sleeping because of the loneliness and pain, the days of celebrating birthdays of someone we loved on earth but would only see in Heaven and going to events where my boys would get in the car with sad looks on their faces saying we were the only ones without a daddy there, why can’t we just have him back? Those long days turn into weeks, then months, then years and brought us to where we are today.

My world was shaken but my heart was awakened to eternity in a way I’ll never forget. Patrick’s presence stepped out of my life in the most sorrowful way and Jesus stepped up in the greatest way. He never let me down, not one step of this journey.

I have walked the darkest days where it took everything in me to wake up and choose life over dwelling on death. I have felt the gut wrenching pain of weeping over the grief of my children as they asked for their daddy and tried to process what Heaven was and when they would be there, reunited again..

Night after night, I would tuck my babies into bed and tell them God had a special plan for their life and that He loved them so much all why trying to hold in the tears as I did this difficult journey by myself and wonfered why God called us to this sorrowful life.

Every day and weekend became the same as nothing broke up our days, I lived alone with three toddlers who were awake throughout the night, feeding a baby and comforting crying toddlers who grieved in their sleep, all while crying big tears of my own. But Jesus, He never let us down. Each day I could feel His strong arms carrying my weak exhausted body through another day telling me to just hold on, He wasn’t finished with me yet.

God began to heal through the raw openings of my heart to the real hope of His word. The Bible came alive and His hope would give me oxygen to breath when I felt like I was going under. Some of the best moments of my life happened in the darkness of the night through tears pouring over my sheets as I lay there by myself crying to the giver of life to give healing to my oh so broken heart.

I learned that you can believe without seeing, you can hope without feeling and you can heal without set time. Jesus proved once again to be the hope and Healer He has always been and He was enough for me and my boys. God used thousands of people to lift us up in prayer, to be His hands and feet, to feed us, encourage us, support us and remind us daily that God saw our pain and cared for us. I have never in my life felt or seen the goodness of God in a more real way than walking through the darkest days and watching the Spirit of God care for us through His presence and His people. Thank you to every single person who gave us the greatest gift through prayer, to every person who stepped up in practical ways and those who encouraged us daily when my heart was getting so weary.

The reality is that the sting of death still hurts daily and we still walk through the conflict of our hearts in trusting God’s plan and purpose and battling why a perfectly healthy 30 year old amazing husband and father would just drop dead with no warnings and no explanation.

Our hearts still long for eternity and I still don’t understand why we have walked this journey but I’ve learned to trust the Author with all parts of my life not just the happy ones. We still miss Patrick daily and long to be reunited with him, praising Jesus together. I often am jealous when I think of him and how he is whole, made new and in the actual presence of Jesus the Savior whom he loved and longed for, and the one we worshiped and prayed to together.

Many things have changed in my life but Jesus has stayed the steady Savior He has always been. He has never let me down in His comfort, grace, love, mercy and strength to make it through. I know Jesus in a greater way than I ever knew was possible because of this suffering, and I am thankful that when the pain was loud if I would stop and listen, His comfort and truth were even louder.

It may have only been two years since Patrick was ushered into eternity in an instant but it feels as if it was a lifetime ago. Today we honor the man who made me a wife and a mom, taught me what humility looked like, loved his family fiercely, could care less what people thought of him (I loved this about him) and left a legacy that could never be measured nor forgotten. Patrick is loved and missed. But today we focus not on the time missed, but the treasure of the time we had.

A life well lived could never be measured in words or deeds but in a legacy that even the grave cannot steal. Forever thankful for the legacy of my Patrick Keith Price.

Comments 19

  1. My husband entered into eternity with his Heavenly Father on Father’s Day, June 18, 2017. My world has been shattered, but only Jesus has seen me through these dark days. I rejoice in the fact that that my husband is whole again., but I’ve lost my best friend and I feel so lost myself. I’ve had to tackle issues I never thought possible, and I’ve shed a million tears. Only Jesus has been my strength. I understand your words all too well.

    1. I am so sorry for the deep pain you are experiencing Sandy, my heart absolutely aches for you. I know its a pain filled journey but a Jesus filled on as well. Eternity is going to be so sweet!

    1. I am so sorry for the great pain you are walking through Julie, oh how that hurts my heart to see. So proud of you for leaning into Jesus and His ways and seeing His faithfulness through the pain. Blessings to you!

  2. I remember that morning so well. It is still shocking. You and your family have been on my heart this week especially. You have truly ministered to me with your transparent choice to cling to Jesus.
    The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss, and your children’s loss of their Daddy.

    I lost my brother June 18th, 2017, yes like Sandy above, Father’s Day. My niece lost her Dad and and my sister in law her husband, and my parents their son. It was a painful shock. Thank you for sharing.

  4. Thank you for being transparent. Your story broke my heart, but I’m trusting the Lord on your behalf because he makes ALL things new. I’ll keep you and your now blended family in my prayers!

  5. Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. Always so blessed by your words and reminding us that no matter what we’re walking through, He is enough for us. Still praying for you all daily- love you all so much!

  6. Hello,

    I came across your blog and I’m so thankful I did. I am also a writer and I was hoping to reach out to your for any tips you may have. While I am fearful to leap all the way into being a writer, I do know that it’s what the Lord has called me to do.

    I currently have my own website where I write my own devotionals and blogs. I would love for you to visit my website and provide any helpful tips and feedback. In addition, I would love to do more speaking engagements and would also like to eventually earn money from being a blogger (any helpful tips in this area would also be appreciated).

    Thank you in advance for your time. My website is http://www.colorsofhealing.com

    Thank you,
    Iyhia (eye-yuh) McMichael

    1. Hey girl! You are so sweet to comment here. I don’t have any tips and I don’t make money by writing I just share from my heart and pray it encourages someone. Biggest advice would be to seek the Lord and His kingdom and righteousness. Blessings to you girl!

  7. Hi, Brittany. I lost my husband last September 13 due to a vehicular accident. My 3-year-old daughter and 10-month-old baby are now fatherless. I am still asking why God took away such an amazing man that soon, what did I do to deserve this, why He didn’t give us a second chance. The pain is consuming me, it’s too much to bear. Hope I’m as strong as you are.

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